If you are involved with someone addicted to sex or acting out sexually, self-care is crucial. You are going through a highly stressful and painful time dealing with this situation, so take it easy and stay in the day. For example, if your spouse has been cheating on you for years, don’t start planning what you will do six months from now. Instead, take it one day at a time and focus on getting yourself through each day as best as possible. After the dust settles, then you can start focusing on some long-term goals that will help keep you moving forward.
No one wants to be in this situation. It’s a total betrayal of the most profound and most personal nature. Our sexual intimacy becomes tainted with betrayal and deception, which makes it very hard to rebuild trust between the two partners. So don’t feel bad for wanting to make changes in your life – there’s no problem with that as long as you are careful how much you try to do at once and realize that each change will take time.
Five things you can do for self-care when married to a sex addict:
- Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise each day so that your body is healthy and ready for whatever comes up. We all need energy if we are going to handle problems, so take steps to make sure you have the physical strength to deal with the situation.
I know this may sound impossible, but you need to take care of yourself when you are in a relationship with someone who has an addiction or other sexual problems. Make sure you eat well and get enough sleep so that your body is healthy and ready for what comes up. We all need energy if we are going through this problem, so take steps to make sure you have the physical strength to deal with the situation.
- Avoid using drugs and alcohol so that your best judgment is intact and you can make decisions in a calm state of mind. Addictive substances will not solve your problems or help you figure out your next steps. You may temporarily feel better, but this “comfort” is just an illusion that will not help you in the long run.
- Get support from others who have been through a similar experience, or get counseling if needed. You don’t need to go it alone! Many people understand what you are going through and can give you beneficial support. Besides, getting some outside input from someone who truly understands your situation can help you see things more clearly, and it may even prevent you from making some big mistakes out of desperation.
- Set healthy boundaries to protect yourself. Even though you are hurting, don’t let anyone take advantage of you or make demands on your time that will only cause you additional stress. Your life is already crazy, right. So don’t let anyone add to your stress by demanding more than you can give.
- Take it one day at a time.
Focus on getting yourself through each day as best as possible, and don’t start trying to solve problems until there is space between events. It would help if you had time to absorb what you’ve been told, come to terms with the coming-up feelings, and sort out the different options moving forward.
Stay in the day, but keep your long-term goals in mind, even if it seems impossible to achieve them right now. For example, whenever you feel overwhelmed about your problems, try to remember all the things you have accomplished in your life so far and what you hope to achieve in the future. Your past accomplishments and future desires help keep life in perspective.
In short, take care of yourself during all times and try not to do too much because it could overwhelm you. When you feel overwhelmed, it’s natural to want to escape for a while or get some space, so remember that it’s okay to do this whenever you need to.
Self-care may all sound impossible right now, but give yourself some time to absorb all that’s been going. Then, figure out your next steps. Don’t try to solve problems alone.
Do not try to change your spouse because you can’t make anyone love you, respect you, or stay with you if they don’t want these things for themselves.
Don’t forget – you’re not alone! For more information, check out the following links: S-Anon Meetings in Your Area: https://sanon.org/ The S-Anon 12 Step program provides support for family & friends of sex addicts.
I hope this article has helped you better understand dealing with your partners’ betrayal–and yourself. Below are some helpful readings to further your self-care.